


Lost

by emjonsson



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bottom!Cas, Destiel - Freeform, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Love, M/M, Oral Sex, Past established Relationship, Stipper!Cas, Super tiny amount of angst, mechanic!Dean, student!Sam, top!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-12 00:30:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emjonsson/pseuds/emjonsson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their father, John, was an alcoholic, and Dean couldn't let Sam live in that house anymore.<br/>As soon as he turned eighteen he decided to take his little brother to live with their uncle Bobby, but<br/>what he left behind was something he would regret forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing a story like this, just a warning to you all.  
> English is not my first language, so I apologize for any errors I've made, I hope they are not to distracting.  
> (It is set in the 1980's, because for the story to work, I didn't want cellphones or internet to be a thing everyone had access to.)  
> All mistakes are my own. I don't own these characters, or anything like that.  
> I would love if you would comment after reading, even if you hated it. (Constructive criticisms, you know)
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.

 

“I’m sorry, I-” He said as his hold on the other boys shirt tightened, not ever wanting to let go.

“No, Dean.” Cas quickly interrupted. “Don’t you dare apologize to me, you shouldn’t feel the need to.” He said in a whisper.

Dean looked into those shining blue eyes and felt his heart pound even harder when he saw the tear that ran across his boyfriend’s cheek. He pulled the slightly smaller boy into a crushing hug.  
  
“You can still change your mind Cas, there is time, you can still come with us.” He said and placed a small kiss to his boyfriend’s temple. “What do you say?”

Cas just pressed closer to him, not saying anything for a while, until Dean heard him mumble into the crook of his neck. “I love you, Dean. More than anything.”

And that was his answer, he knew Cas couldn’t go with them, and it broke Deans heart.  
“I love you to babe.” Dean could hear his voice falter but tried to stay strong for both of them.  
They stood there in the middle of Cas’s bedroom just holding each other. Dean looked out the window when he heard the rumble of a familiar car.

“Bobby’s here” he could feel his chest tighten “I need to wake up Sammy so we can leave an-“ Cas pressed their lips together in a hard, desperate kiss, because they both knew that this was going to be the last time. Dean had one hand in a bruising grip on his boyfriend’s hip while the other traveled to stroke his hair. He was going to miss this, god, this was killing him.  
Cas always had this way of taking his breath away, and he’s been doing just that since the very first day he laid eyes on the raven haired beauty.  
He could feel Cas’s tongue sweep across his lower lip and he opened his mouth eagerly to let his lover in.  
He pulled away when the need to breath was too great, but he regretted it right away when he saw the look on Cas’s face. His boyfriend's once happy blue eyes was filled with tears and his cheeks was covered with them. He gently brushed them away and pressed a gentle kiss to Cas’s lips. “Don’t cry baby, please.”

Cas pressed his lips against Deans again, slower this time, a goodbye.

“Goodbye Cas. I love you so much baby”  
  
“I love you too, Dean.”

Dean took a last look at his boyfriend before he climbed out the window he came from and walked towards his own house to wake up Sam and grab all their stuff.

“You goin’ to be okay, son?” Bobby asked when he came up to the house.

Dean gave him a small smile, as he passed him on his way to the door.  
 _I don’t know_ he thought as walked up the stairs to Sammy’s room and opened the door quietly so not to wake their father who’s passed out in his bedroom.

“ _Sammy?...Sammy we need to go.._ ”He whispered to his younger brother. Sam looked up at him, clearly he’s been awake for a while.

“ _I couldn’t sleep_ ” Sam told him softly

“ _That’s fine_ , _you can sleep in the car on our way to uncle Bobby’s, don’t worry about it, but we really need to leave now before dad wakes up_ ”

“ _Dean?.._ ”

“ _Yeah, Sammy?_ ”

“ _How is Castiel? Is he okay? Did you talk to him?_ ”

Dean could feel the tears he pushed down come to the surface again.

“ _He’s going to be fine Sam._ ”

“ _And you? Will you be fine?_ ”

Dean clenched his teeth together. Cas was going to be great, he’s going to leave for college in the fall and meet new people and do great things, he knew it. Cas was always meant for greater things. Dean however, knew he would never be able to let Cas go. As soon as he saw the blue eyed angel walk into history class that morning, Dean was lost.

Cas was it for him, and now he had to leave him for the sake of Sam getting away from their alcoholic father. And it tore him apart, but he knew that Sam’s well-being would always come first, and so did Cas.  
As soon as Dean turned eighteen he told Cas that he had to get Sam away from there, and his boyfriend told him right away that he would help him out in every way possible. He was so understanding that everything felt so easy until he realized that he would be leaving Cas too. Without a doubt, leaving him behind was the hardest thing he was ever going to.

“ _Don’t worry about me Sammy. You got everything?_ ” He asked to change the subject.

“ _Yeah, I’m ready to leave now._ ”

They took their duffel bags and went out the door to Bobby’s car.

  
As they drove away Dean took one last look towards Castiel’s house and he saw the love if his life standing on the porch, watching them drive away with the most heart wrenching look on his face.

When they turned the corner and Cas was out of his line of vision, he finally let the tears he’s been holding run down his cheeks.

 

* * *

_five years later_

_  
_

The sun was killing him, he was bent over this stupid car that he had been working on for weeks now and the damn thing just wouldn't budge.  
He was having what you would call a bad day, first he woke up an hour late, got in the shower which had a temperature of fucking Antarctica and Sam had called to  invite him out with a group of the law school geniuses, which was not Dean's idea of a good time, he tried that once, it didn't go so well.

He had been told they would just go to a bar and hang out, get to know each other, but ended up at this too load, too crowded night club and Dean had to spend the night pretending he had  _so_ much in common with these people, and at the same time trying to stay clear of this girl named Bela who looked at him like a piece of meat.

Sam kept telling him that he shouldn't try to fit in so much, that he should just be himself and they were going to get along great.  _Yeah, like that will work with these people_. Dean was a high school dropout now working as a mechanic, he lived in a shitty apartment and, he would never admit this to Sammy, but he was kinda lonely.  
When Sam got his acceptance letter for a full ride to Stanford, he said that he and Dean could share an apartment together somewhere off campus, Dean refused.  
He wanted Sam to have the full experience, the girls, the parties, the whole college shebang. If his little brother knew how miserable Dean was in his stupid apartment, he would pack his bags and move in right away, Dean wouldn't let that happen. He wanted Sam to be happy, needed, Sam to be happy. So he took a job at a garage that a man named Rufus owned, an old friend of Bobbys, and rented an apartment not too far away from Stanford so that Sam could visit anytime he wanted.

Rufus was a good boss, cranky, but good. Speak of the devil.  
"Hey Winchester! Phone call for ya, it's your brother."

"Yeah, yeah.. Be right up."

He got himself cleaned up and gave the tire of the car a frustrated kick on his way. He gave a quick nod to Jo while passing her at the reception desk, then picked up the phone.  
He was pretty sure what his annoying brother wanted.

"What now Sammy? I'm working."

"First of all, it's Sam. And I know you are so I'm gonna be quick." His brother told him, sounding a bit too excited.  
"You are coming out with us tonight."

Dean sighed "Sam, I've told you already, I'm not going."

"You're going to change your mind when I tell you where we are going" He said in a daring way.

".... I'm listening"

"My friends Dan and Laura are having their bachelor and bachelorette party together an-"

"Wow Sammy, that sounds like my kind of party"

"AND, its being held at a strip club."

Dean felt a grin spread across his face.

"Really? I didn't know you had it in you to go to such a vulgar place little brother" He said sarcastically. "Is Jess fine with you going?"

"Real funny, and yes, because she's going too. I told you, their having their parties together, so its will be us guys and also Laura's girlfriends"

"Huh.. So the ladies are okay with going to a strip club and watch a bunch of women dance around and get naked?" Dean asked.

"Actually it's a club where the dancers are both male and female. So it's definitely a party for you." Sam said and Dean could just feel the smug face on his brother.

"Fine, I'll go but you're paying for my drinks." He demanded.

"Great, I'll see you tonight!" He didn't think Sam would actually agree to that but before he could change his mind his brother hung up on him.

" _Stupid, annoying, fucki-_ "

"Hey!!"

Dean was so startled he dropped the phone and turned around to see Rufus standing there with one eyebrow raised. "All good, Winchester?"

"Uh.. Yes, sir. Just a night out with the brother and his nerd friends."

"I'll be good for ya, get out a little." Rufus said with something he thinks is supposed to come out as support.

"Yeah.. So I've been told."

* * *

 

He pulled on his best pair of dark jeans, a black thin t-shirt with an open green shirt over it.  
He looked.. good, really good. And he felt oddly good about tonight, but that was probably to to the four bottles of liquid courage he drank before he got dressed.  
Now he was just going to wait for Sammy and they would get going. To a party for two people he didn't even know, with people he didn't know. God, this was going to suck.

When he heard the knock on the door he took one more look in the mirror, at least he looked fine as hell. He let his eyes wander to his dresser where the framed picture from 6 years ago stood. Those brilliant blue eyes stared right through him, just like they used to do.

"You okay, Dean?"

Dean snapped back to reality and turned towards his brother. "Considering you're making me go out with your nerd friends? Yeah, I'm okay."

He grapped his wallet and car keys and smiled towards Sam's bitch face. "Let's go, Sasquatch." With a roll of his eyes, his little brother followed him out to the car.  
He turned the on the ignition and he could hear his baby purr, and he instantly relaxed as they headed out on the streets towards the club.  
After a few minutes they reached the club, and as they were getting out of the car Sam decided to ruin the good mood.

"You know, Bela is pretty excited about you joining us." Sam said with a smirk. He had told him about Bela's "feelings" a few times, and Dean always gave him the sam answer.

"Not interested Sam." Dean told him, maybe a bit to angrily.

"Dean.. It's been five years."

"Don't, Sam, I don't care!" He almost yelled, his brother knew this was a sensitive subject but he just kept bringing it up. "I'm not interested in her or anyone, okay? Drop it!"

"I know, I'm sorry Dean. I'm just worried about you."

"Well, don't be." He said as he slammed the car door.  _Well this night was going to be great._ "Sorry Sam, but you know I hate talking about this."

Sam gave him a small smile and was about to say something when an excited squeel coming from the club interrupted them.

"DEAN!! It's so good to see you, you really need to hang out with me and Sam more often, I barely get to see you."

"It's great to see you too, Jess! Wow, you look amazing, looking to replace Sammy here with someone more exciting huh?" He said with a grin.

"Oh, I'm not done with your brother yet, he's stuck with me." She said, giving a loving smile towards the brothers, and Dean's good mood was back again.  He liked Jess, she was perfect for his brother. "Let's go inside, everyone is waiting for you guys!" And with that she grabbed both of their hands and hurried towards the entrance.  
The place was playing loud music and.. It was fucking packed, but still not too claustrophobic, there was a dancefloor, a big fancy looking, yet still casual bar, and dancers and waiters all over the place. On the floor, on tables, and over on the stage that held a few poles they were throwing themselves around. It was actually a really nice place, it looked nothing like the usual strip clubs he visited. Sam pointed towards a sitting area where he recognized a few of Sam's friends waving them over. He followed them reluctantly and settled down on the leather couch next to Jess.

"Well hello, Dean." He heard a saultry voice coming from behind him.  _Bela._

"Hey, Bela. How are ya?" He asked to be polite as she squeezed down next to him, crossing her legs to show a little extra bit of skin.

"Well I am much better now that you are here." She whispered in his ear, and he could of sworn he could feel her tug a little at his earlobe as she pulled back.

He gave her a false smile. She was a beautiful girl, someone he would bring home for a night of fun if he had met her in a random bar. But she was a part of Sam's group of friends and he knew she would want more then just one night with him. And he couldn't give her that.  
He distracted himself by looking around the room. The dancers were gorgeous, they wore revealing but classy outfits, and the it wasn't normal strip tease they were doing, it looked more like well rehearsed, choreographic dances. It was a couple on the stage that did something that looked like an, a lot more, r-rated version of the tango at the same time as they used one of the poles. Dean kept staring at the couple, they looked amazing together on stage.  
When the dancers did a smooth transition from the tango to go their seperate ways, a new person took their place. He wore a black suit, that looked a bit to big on him, no shirt underneath it, but a blue tie. Dean couldn't help but let his eyes wander across the newcommers body, he was definitely a runner or a swimmer with that thin but muscled frame.  
Dean let his gaze travel up the mans body and he felt like his breath was knocked out of him. The man had his head slightly bowed down, looking at the floor while he seductively rounded the pole, but his raven black, messy hair reminded him of his- _No! Don't go there Dean._ He quickly looked away and returned to the conversation around the table.

"Dean?" Dean looked up to see his brother with a questioning look on his face. "You good?"

"Yea, I'm just going to go get a drink." He said with a wink, but it didn't fool Sam who just studied him harder. He looked back towards the dancer, but he had left the stage area.  
Dean was both relieved and dissapointed. He payed for three beers and brought them back to the table and handed two of them to Sammy and Jess.

"Thought I was paying tonight." Sam said with a smirk.

"Shut up and enjoy your drink, bitch."

"Jerk." Sam laughed, but then, just as quickly, he froze. Starring right behind Dean like he'd just seen a freaking ghost. Dean looked at him, then turned around himself to seee what got Sam's panties in such a twist, and his heart stopped. He was dancing two tables away from them, now only wearing the suit pants and the blue tie. But dean would recognize those eyes and pink full lips anywhere.  _Cas._

"Dean. Isn't that..?" Dean looked back at Sam and gave a small nod. Without even thinking he rose to his feet and quickly ran to the bathroom and splashed his face with water.  
He felt his heart beating a thousan miles an hour. Cas. Here. Working as a stripper.

" _Shit_ " The only person he's ever loved, the one person he's been missing like crazy, is just outside the door.

" _Shit, shit, shit_ " Their is nothing more he want to do than go out there and talk to him. But would Cas even want to see him again? It's been five years, he's probably moved on by now, found someone else. No, even if Cas's got someone else, Dean has to talk to him,  _needs_ to talk to him. Even if Cas is with someone else, which will probably kill him, he can't leave knowing he didn't even try. He took one more deep breath and opened the door. Cas's was no longer dancing at the table and Dean was afraid he lost his chance, but then he saw him. By the bar. Talking to Sam. He slowly walked up to them, his heart pounding harder and harder.

"Cas?" The man quickly turned around, wide blue eyes staring at him them same way they did that very first day they.

"Dean.." He said letting out a breath and a small smile spread across his beautiful face. Dean couldn't stop staring, until Sam gave an uncomfortable cough.

"Well, um, I'll just.. leave you to alone" And quicky ran away to fin Jess and tell her what was going on.

"So.. a stripper." Was not what Dean wanted to say but his brain has obviously left the building. He thought Cas would be offended at the way he said it but instead he gave a small laugh and those eyes sparkled the way they always used to do when they were together.

"Yeah, medical school didn't really work out." And  _oh my god his voice._ It had always been gravelly but now, it went straight to Deans crotch. And he's totally missed half of what Cas has been saying. "..but this place pays really well and I don't have to do anything that I'm uncomfortable with, It's actually a great place to work."

"Are you seeing anyone?" Dean blurted out.

"Oh, um.." Cas started blushing and it was the most adorable thing Dean has seen in, well, five years. "No, I'm not. I have tried but, um, it didn't really work out."

"Good." And Dean surged forward and kissed him. And it was so good, until Dean realized that Cas wasn't responding. It was like kissing a rock. Dean quickly pulled away.

"Shit, I'm sorry Cas I shouldn't have done that. I wasn't thinking, I'm just gonna go okay? It was good to see ya."

"Dean, wait!" Dean was not going to admit how quickly he was back by Cas's side, like a fucking puppy waiting for a treat. "I can't do this here, the people don't really want to see the stripper with someone else, ruins the fantasy or something like that." He said with that adorable blush back on his face. "Can you meet me outside? I will tell my coworkers to cover for me, okay? That way we can talk?" He said with such insecurity, like Dean would ever say no.

"Yes, of course Cas. Whatever you say." At that, Cas smiled at him. Man, he's missed that smile.

* * *

 

He told Sammy where he was going and he had gotten the biggest, dumbest smile ever and practically pushed Dean out the door.  
He was now leaning against his car waiting for Cas to walk out the door, and he was both nervous and excited, he's been waiting for this ever since the day he had to leave.  
He was looking down at his feet, kicking a few rocks when he was suddenly slammed against his car door and a pair of chapped but soft lips found his.  
Once the shock passed he moaned in to the kiss and quickly let his tongue sweep over Cas's lower lip, asking for permission, and Cas opened up immediately.  
The kiss quickly turned more dirty and desperate, hands tugging at each other, trying to get impossibly closer. Dean let his hands wander down to grab the most perfect ass known to man, and received a ferocious groan in return. Hips started to rut, pressing their hardening cocks together. Cas pulled away with a shaky breath.

"Please, tell me you live nearby." Cas said and started sucking and biting just below Dean's jaw.

Dean could barely find his voice due to the beautiful torture Cas was giving him.

"Yeah, yeah, it's just abou-,  _oh god._ " His legs almost gave out as Cas started rubbing his thigh against his painfully hard dick. _  
_

"Let's go then." Cas said and pulled away and started walking towards the passanger side, keeping Deans eyes locked with his the entire time. Dean couldn't  
get into the car faster even if he tried. As soon as he got in, Cas was all over him again, pulling Dean against him until Cas's back was pressed against the door, the angle was awkward but neither of them cared. Dean eventually pulled away because otherwise this party was going to end way to quickly.

"I've missed you so much Dean, wanted you in this car again for so long." Cas mumbled against his lips.

"Missed you too babe, but right now, I'm taking you home with me." Then Dean spurred in to action, and started the drive home that, even though was maybe seven minutes away, felt _too fucking long._ Part of that probably has to do with the fact that Cas kept sucking hickeys into his neck and rubbing the inside of his thigh.

" _Fuck, Cas"_ He moaned. "Do you want me to get us there alive?"

"I need you-" Cas purred into his ear. "-to get us there now."

A few minutes later, Dean pulled up to his apartment, and as soon as he parked, he scrambled out of the car and ran to the passenger side to drag Cas inside with him.  
As soon as he closed the door he pushed Cas against it, let his hands travel down the mans thighs and lifted him up. Cas quickly wrapped his legs around Dean and started rolling his hips against Dean, causing the most beautiful friction between the two, and let out the most beautiful sound Dean has ever heard.

"I've missed the sounds you make Cas" Dean growled as he gave a hard thrust making them both almost scream in pleasure. "I've missed you so fucking much."

"Dean, I need you to take us to your bedroom and fuck me." And who was Dean to say no to that?  
He dropped Cas's legs down but never left his mouth as he started walking him backwards, pulling of clothes on their way. When he finally found himself in his bedroom, they were down to only their boxers. Before Dean knew what was happening Cas pushed him onto the bed and quickly got on top of him, looking at him hungrliy.  
He then started kissing Dean's neck and kept travelling lower, his collarbone, his chest, and then his hipbones before he looked up at Dean with mischievous, blue eyes, and started pulling down Dean's underwear with his teeth.

" _H_ _oly fuck, CAS!!"_   He screamed as Cas swallowed him down. Cas was always so good at this, almost enjoyed it even more than Dean did, which made it so much better.  
Dean got up to lean on his forearms so he could watch his lover, who looked up at him through thick lashes, eyes almost completely black with arousal. That sight alone almost got Dean to spill his load right there. He tugged at Cas's hair, but that just made the blue eyed angel moan around his dick, and Dean had to take a deep breath to keep his own arousal down. He pulled Cas up to him and switched their positions so that Cas was under him, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist. Their kissing slowed down to a less desperate pace as Dean blindly felt for lube and condoms in his bedside table. When he got a hold of them he sat up on his haunches between Cas's spread legs and opened the small bottle and coated his fingers with the liquid. Cas made a pleased sigh and spread his legs even wider.  _Damn._ That's a sight that never gets old.

"Dean, _please.._ " Cas moaned when Dean just kept staring at him with wide eyes. He took Cas's right leg and placed it on his shoulder for a better angle and kissed the side of his knee when he started to push his first finger in. Cas writhed on the bed in pleasure, one of the things Dean loved about Cas, he was always so responsive, so eager.  
He could soon add another finger, starting to scissor him open and searched for that spot inside. Pumping his fingers a bit faster now, twisting them, crooking them in his search. Cas's back arched of the bed with a deep groan " _DEAN! Nggh, right there_. _"_ He pulled out his fingers to pour on some more lube, and Cas gave an annoyed whimper at the loss of contact, but that quickly turned in to a gasp of pleasure as Dean returned with three fingers pressing right at his prostate.

"Dean, I'm ready, I need you." But Dean didn't listen, he kept going with his fingers to get more of those beautiful sounds out of the man beneath him. But Cas had other plans. He pulled Deans fingers away himself and pushed Dean backwards so he was laying on his back looking up at Cas with wide, lustfull eyes. The man above ripped the condom open with his teeth and rolled it onto Dean's throbbing erection. He then took the bottle of lube and spread it along Dean's big, hard dick, and Dean started lifting his hips and fucking into Cas's hand. When Cas deemed him ready he straddled Dean's hips, grabbed his dick and slowly lowered himself onto it. The tightness had Dean holding Cas's hips in a bruising grip, it felt so fucking good.

"Dean.. open your eyes" He didn't even remember closing them, when he slowly opened his eyes to look at Cas, it took his breath away. Cas's lips was red and puffy after him biting on them, his hair even messier than usual and a beautiful blush had spread across his chest. Cas rose up on shaky legs only to slam right down again. They screamed together as the pleasure of that first thrust hit them hard. Cas kept doing just that, slow but hard, clenching around Dean's dick everytime he lifted himself up, which had Dean gripping Cas's hips even harder, there would be bruises after his fingers there for days and that made Dean give out a possessive moan.

" _Dean, pleaseplease, touch me"_ Cas had his hands on Dean's thighs to give himself leverage to slam back down. Dean took one of his hands away from his lovers hips and started stroking Cas's dick in time with the thrusts. Cas let out an animalistic growl when Dean let his thumb run along the slit.

"Fuck, Cas, you were always so beautiful like this.  _So fucking perfect"_ Dean could feel Cas's pace starting to falter, he's breathing catching in his throat so he knew he was close.

"Come on Cas, come for me" Dean moaned. " _I love you, Cas. I've always loved you."_ And that was it, Cas was screaming out his release along with Dean's name. Before he had time to come down from his high, Dean switched their positions so that he once again was on top of Cas, thrusting fast and hard right against Cas's prostate and Cas was screaming underneath him. It didn't take long until Dean felt his own orgasm starting do boil.

" _Shit, CAS!!!!"_ He growled and bit down on Cas's neck to keep from screaming. He fell onto his lovers body and tried to catch his breathing while Cas kissed him all over and running soothing fingers across his arms and his back.

"That was incredible, fuck.." Dean felt drunk, his mind was clouded and he couldn't think properly. He carefully pulled out of Cas, and said man let out a small hiss at the emptiness. He got up to throw away the condom and grabbed a washcloth then returned to clean them both up. When he was done he threw it across the room and pulled Cas against him and draped the blanket over their naked bodies. Cas was staring at him with bright blue eyes, that made Dean feel warm all over.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He asked as he let out a small laugh.

"I love you too, Dean." ..  "I never stopped" ... "I love you." Cas said between kisses that left Dean feeling drunk again.

"Good, because now that I've found you, I'm never leaving you again." Dean told him, just thinking about having to go through that all over again, made his chest tighten.

"Good, because I'm not letting you go."

They fell asleep just like that, legs tangled together, lips almost touching, and happier than either of them have been for five years.

 

 

_~The End~_


End file.
